APH UsUk Mochi Mochi Mochi!
by DarkmoonSigel
Summary: Crack story about UsUk and their respective mochis. Rated M for a reason.


Mochi! Mochi! Mochi!

Alfred yawned as he made his way down to the kitchen. It was an unspoken understanding between him and Arthur that if he bottomed he was allowed to sleep in unperturbed with a pot of coffee(the real stuff, not the instant crap) waiting for him when he got up. On the flipside of that, if Arthur bottomed, he was served tea and breakfast in bed with a massage afterward.

After loading the largest container he could find that could still pass as a mug and not a bucket with mass amounts of coffee, cream and sugar, Alfred went in search of his significant other to find the English nation sitting at his office desk. He was staring thoughtfully at two plain white boxed adorned with their respective flags.

"What are those?", Alfred asked curiously, pressing a good morning kiss to the Englishman's temple as he took a seat next to him. Arthur shrugged nonchalantly, taking a sip from his own steaming cup.

"I am not sure. Japan sent them to us. From what I can gather from his note they are a new life form…", Arthur began, holding up the communication between two of his slim fingers. It was ignored in favor of the actual boxes.

"Fucking sweet! He finally came through with those pokemon!", Alfred babbled excitedly, reaching for the box with the stars and stripes on it.

The appendage was smacked soundly with practiced ease with a slipper as Arthur continued as if uninterrupted. "…made from our own DNA. I'm not sure if I approve of Japan's ethics using our genetic material for such trivial matter without our consent.", Arthur sniffed, eyeing his own box with the Union Jack on it.

"Ethics, consent, potato, potahto. Who care?! C'mon! Let's pop the top already!", Alfred whined, staring his box down as if willpower alone would open it. When that didn't work, he laid his head down on the desk to pout up at Arthur, who pointedly ignored him.

"Yes love, you know how much I adore the petulant child look. Stop looking like I just kicked your new puppy on Christmas morning and let me finish. Apparently these new creature had similarities unique solely to us.", Arthur intoned, his slipper still very much in hand and he was not afraid to use it, "They require minimal care, are practically self-sufficient, and need only TLC from us…whatever that is."

"TLC baby. Tender. Loving. Care.", Alfred crooned, abandoning his pout to crawl up his former keeper's body to press kisses into its flesh. He stopped at the ever-present scowl to steal smooches to it. Arthur rolled his eyes, shoving Alfred's face away with his palm. He had his fingers licked in retaliation.

"Do you want to open these or not?!", Arthur snapped, wiping his hand off on his slacks with a grimace. Though he was not pleased that his genetic material had been used without his permission especially on something so frivolous(whatever it was), he needed the distraction. He had been topping a lot lately and had a feeling if he allowed Alfred to continue his streak would be broken. If opening a box to unleash a new plague of pet upon the world distracted Alfred enough to leave off, then so be it. A nation had to have his priorities after all.

Alfred quickly shifted his attentions to his box, setting aside morning nookie(well technically, brunch nookie) on the back burner in favor of his overwhelming need to open packages. Alfred tore his open first, Arthur letting him. He wanted to see what was inside before he opened his own anyway. He cringed at the American's reckless method of extraction though the contents were soon revealed.

It was a soft white ball nestled in a bed of what looked like lettuce leaves.  
"What is it?", Arthur asked, glaring at the thing. It looked vaguely familiar to him for some reason. Hopefully Alfred would recognize it, the American more familiar with present Japanese culture that he was.

"It's….a mochi?", Alfred said hesitantly, poking at it with his finger. It was larger that a regular mochi though. To the nations' shock and amazement, it moved on it own to look up at them with wide sky blue eyes, a gravity defying sprig of blond hair on its forehead, and a soft vacant smile on its odd featureless face.

"Hello!", the mochi said cheerfully.

"HOLY CRAP! IT'S ALIVE! KILL IT! KILL IT DEAD WITH FIRE!", Alfred yelled, going for his guns which he realized where so not there because he was still in his pj's at Arthur's house. If they had been at one of his homes(especially Texas), that thing would have been instant toast of extreme deadness.

Arthur neatly caught the flung box and mochi to set them down gently on the desk, being the more level headed of the two. After smacking Alfred soundly over the head with his slipper, Arthur reached down to pick up the mochi to find it soft and feather light in his palm. It smiled up at him, unfazed by the entire ordeal.

"Hello! I'm American!", MochiAmerica chirped, bouncing up and down now in excitement over being out of its box finally.

"Oh yeah!? Prove it!", Alfred snapped, suddenly producing a small pile of hamburgers from pasta knows where. Arthur had given up a long time ago of finding that out. He chalked it up to the same food black hole that produced pasta for Italy wherever he went.

Alfred snatched up the mochi from Arthur's palm to shove a burger at it. The mochi swallowed it whole without blinking.

"MOAR!", it yelled, with a happy grin. Alfred stared back at the mochi with a stunned look on his own face.

"Alfred….?", Arthur ventured tentatively after a long moment of rare silence.

"Dude. He's cool.", Alfred said overly serious, putting up his own hand for a call for continued silence. He was totally having bro-ment with this mochi, the two beings in perfect hamburger understanding.

"Well, isn't that just grand.", Arthur rolled his eyes, reaching for his own box. He opened it neatly to stare down at its contents.

"Oh Jesus bleeding wept! What the bloody hell!?", Arthur groaned as his own mochi hopped out of its box. It was a scowling white ball sporting heavy eyebrows over vibrant green eyes and of all things, wearing a top hat. It sniffed disdainfully at the English nation.

"Seriously! Of all the daft…..We don't even wear those anymore! It was the bloody time period!", Arthur yelled as he watched MochiEngland ignore him totally in favor of his forgotten cup of tea. The mochi rolled over to it to start drinking out of the cup with noisy slurps of contentment. He only paused to scowl up at the nation for being so noisy.

"Rubbish.", MochiEngland said dryly, before resuming his tea pillaging. MochiAmerica stopped begging for more food as soon as he heard that one word. Taking a flying leap from off of Alfred's hand, the mochi landed with a soft splat sound, rolling quickly over to the other mochi, who pointedly ignored him.

Arthur watched in horror as MochiEngland was mounted by MochiAmerica from behind, the latter doing a very obvious series of movements to accompany it.

"It's ok! I'm American!", MochiAmerica cheered, grinding against the other more.

"Rubbish!", MochiEngland growled, pushing back as his cheeks grew rosy with blush.

"Oh, that is just brilliant.", Arthur snapped, switching his glare between the humping mochis and his utterly useless boyfriend who was being of no help whatsoever, having fallen over laughing. When it was obvious that mochis were not going to stop and Alfred wasn't getting off of the floor anytime soon, Arthur put a tea cozy over the fornicating pair to give them some privacy. From the sounds of it, they were almost done. Arthur wasn't sure how they were doing it and he didn't want to find out. Alfred reinforced this sentiment by peaking under the cover to instantly resume his howls of laughter. There was a shrill couple of noises produced followed by significant lull in silence. MochiAmerica rolled out from under the cover, over to Arthur to look up at him expectantly.

"MOAR!", MochiAmerica yelled at him.

"Not bloody likely.", Arthur glared down at him.

"Rubbish.", MochiEngland snapped, rolling out from under the tea cozy. Alfred finally managed to pick himself off of the floor to regard the sour mochi with a wide grin.

"Is that all you know how to say?", Alfred chuckled, picking the mochi up. MochiEngland was quiet for a long moment, finally looking at Alfred with a thoughtful expression.

"Git."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO  
Mochi extra  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO

Meanwhile elsewhere…..

Ludwig stared down at MochiGermany, a strange blocky thing with a serious expression on its stoic face, so unlike all the other mochis he had seen thus far. Feliciano was currently rolling around on the floor with his own mochi, the pair having a deep intellectual conversation at the moment that mostly consisted of the word '~Ve'.

Since that Mochis had not come with a care manual and being the organized nation that he was, Ludwig called Kiku for some much needed information.

"So…what does it do?", Ludwig asked curiously. He could not decipher the mochi's function. MochiGermany nodded at the question. It was kind of curious itself on its own functionality. There was a long awkward pause over the phone though.

"Germany-san….I fear I may have been too vague in my letter.", Kiku said softly. Ludwig stifled a snort of laughter. The Japanese nation had made 'being vague' practically an art form. Kiku continued, "It is not meant to do anything."

"Oh. Well….thank you.", Ludwig sighed, hanging up. This did not sit well with him. Everything had a function. He studied the mochi with a long hard look. MochiGermany returned it, not especially thrilled about his lack of usefulness. Ludwig picked up the mochi, weighing it in his hand. It was significantly heavier than the other mochis he had encountered. Collecting some loose papers from his desk, Ludwig settled them into a neat pile, placing the MochiGermany on top of them.

"Stay.", Ludwig told MochiGermany who nodded back. He was thrilled he had become a paperweight.


End file.
